Waiting Child: "Molly"

FOUND HER FOREVER FAMILY!

This beautiful child is "Molly" and she is the first child I would like to introduce you to.

It is not easy for me to do this because "Molly" is the little girl I fell in love with and wanted to adopt myself.

<sigh>

Doesn't she just sparkle?

The truth is I would still love to make her my daughter but it is becoming clear that I am meant to play a different role.  Perhaps I can help "Molly" to find her forever family.  Her forever mom.

Maybe that's you.


Here is a little of what has been written about Molly...

"Molly" participated in an English Class which was given by American volunteers and she learned some English expressions, such as: greeting people, singing English songs.  She also won an award for a drawing. She joined the summer camp of “Journey of hope” and saw the adopted children with their foreign parents, she envied them and said to the teacher “ I want to go abroad too and have my own mom and dad.”   She is developmentally on target in all areas - but can't participate in intense sports.  She is in kindergarten at a very good orphanage, and is doing well in school.   She is bright - "above average" according to her teachers, happy, cheerful, and runs and plays like other children her age.  She does not become breathless at rest or with activity.

"Molly" was born in June 2004 and is currently listed as a "Special Focus" child Great Wall China Adoption's Individual List.  Her special need is listed as "complicated heart condition".  A cardiologist who reviewed her record for us has diagnosed her condition as hypoplastic left heart syndrome.

HLHS is a serious and scary term but here in the US kids with this condition have survived and even thrive.  If you want to learn more about this condition check out this You Tube series on HLHS by Children's Hospital of Philadelphia.

Here's one last picture of "Molly".  The picture is from her official Chinese file and as you can see she is a little younger here (and absolutely darling don't you think?) The picture makes me sad because it reminds me that she has been waiting such a very long time for a family of her own.

But there is always a reason why things happen the way they do

And maybe, just maybe she's waited all this time because

She's been waiting for you.

 To learn more about "Molly" please email me at loriprinty@gmail.com .  Qualified families have 6 months to complete a dossier.






 

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Advocacy

I have struggled with whether or not I should advocate for waiting children in China here on my blog. It is not condoned by the China adoption authorities but recently there has been an virtual explosion of "advocacy blogs" dedicated to highlighting the desperate need for adoptive families in China. (You can find links for a bunch of them on this blog.)

I can't help but think that with the 17,000 views this blog gets each month, that maybe in some small way I too can help by advocating for some of the children that have touched my heart.

I do however want to be sensitive to the privacy of these children.  Especially in the case of those who have medical concerns. I want to be certain that I give each child the respect, dignity they deserve while maintaining as much privacy possible.

But I also want to people to see these kids.

Because I am convinced that seeing a face

seeing beyond a "medical condition"

will help some parent out there see

their child.

So I am going to move forward and a regular basis I will be sharing with you photos and stories of some of the beautiful children who wait.

Hopefully you'll begin to understand why I have felt such a strong desire to adopt again.  Maybe you'll even start to feel it yourself.


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I'm Not Ready...and who said you could grow up?

 This is my oldest son Kiefer.

He's gorgeous right?

It's not just because I'm his mother, right?

Well earlier today I had a conversation with this*gorgeous* kid about him wanting and not being able to find a girl friend. Huh?  Really??

OK NOW BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER YOU ALL KNOW YOU ARE MUCH TOO OLD FOR HIM.  SO LET'S JUST ALL AGREE RIGHT NOW TO KEEP OUR COUGARS ON A LEASH. OK? OK.

So anyway tonight Kiefer continued the conversation by telling me he really wants to be married and have kids.

Not like someday either.

He meant now.

Ok well he said a couple years for the kids.

But still married NOW.

I think it was "a moment". One of those times when I should have been giving him wise, loving, supportive, motherly advice.

But I pretty much blew it because while he was sharing his plans for his future wife and family, (gulp)

I was busy screaming inside my head.

"Are you freaking crazy???? I am too young to be a grandmother!"

For cripes sake I'm still having babies!


( Let's face it, we all know I'm going to be the mother in law from hell. I mean I'm not proud of that but there's no way I'm going to like any woman who sucks around and steals my son away from me.)

I have issues.

Deep seeded issues.


I'm still processing the whole conversation.

The absurdity of it.

And the realization that we're dangerously close to the time when it won't be so absurd.


At this point it's probably just 20 year old crazy talk.

<insert moment of prayer>


Right now all I know for sure is,

I'm sort of glad he can't find a girlfriend.

Nothing in life is free.....Please vote today and each time you stop by FIVE OF MY OWN.  Just click the link below.  It will take you to the top mommy site.  Once there the vote is cast. 

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Thank You

I need to thank all of you who responded to yesterday's post.  I was genuinely touched by the response.

If you are a reader and missed this please make sure you read the comments too because THAT'S where you will find the best of this blog.

Yesterday's responses were filled with warmth and wisdom.

A lot of wisdom...my readers are smart, insightful and generous with good advice.

I am blessed.


I also get a lot of comments on my posts on Facebook (often more than I get here).  That is where I found what I believe was the best advice...

for me.

for right now.



Here's what I found on my wall this morning...

Your blog is so great, Lori. I love your honesty and understand what you are going through. I have two thoughts (1) UNPLUG!! (from the adoption-related feeds and groups). Just for a while. During our wait for Lera (you know the part where it almost physically hurts?), I unplugged from them and it made a HUGE difference. (2) As one of your commenters said, think of the years of freedom you will add to your life 14 or so years from now!! Finally, while I applaud those who are doing so much to help the adoption cause in general, I don't think that would help your mindset in the next few months. It would just keep the topic front-and center. And, GOOD LORD you are doing EXPONENTIALLY MORE for the world than 99% of humans on this planet :) You deserve to take a break for a while...



Of course she had me at "your blog is so great".


but in my gut I immediately knew she was right about "unplugging".



While I adore the idea that many of you suggested to get involved in some sort of orphan/adoption mission  it is not a substitute for the daughter I yearn for. (I know that is not what was being suggested but the two ideas were linked far more closely than I anticipated)


And I know there is no way I could immerse myself in adoption related projects and still achieve the break I promised my husband.


My take away from this?

•  Growing my family and "saving orphans" have nothing to do with each other

•  Supporting adoption/orphan causes in any meaningful way places me in the center of the "adoption" world.

• I need to unplug from the waiting child/adoption network if I really want to find clarity and hold up my end of the bargain.  

• In six months (as either a mother of 5 or 6) I need to return to this post for inspiration and direction and consider how I might be able to give back to the adoption/orphan community I love.

• The readers of this blog are much smarter than it's writer.

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If I don't adopt another child...

Two weeks.

It’s only been two weeks since I agreed with my husband to take a baby hunting hiatus.

It feels like months.

I actually checked the little ticker I set up to see how much time I have left. It read 5 months, two weeks and 1 day.  Are you freaking kidding me? 

This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.  I may need some sort of 12 step program.  Is that show “Intervention” just for crack heads or can adoption junkies apply?

One problem is I’m tempted daily. 

Updates from the waiting child Yahoo group.  A picture on Facebook of kids recently adopted or a post celebrating gotcha day.  Email alerts from Rainbow Kids. Documentaries on Chinese adoptions.

It's all so intoxicating.

And I worked hard to plug into the waiting child community.  It was (is) part of a proactive attempt to find my child.  I tapped into multiple networks, blogs, yahoo groups, and agency listings. Unplugging (short of not turning on my computer or phone) is tedious and time consuming.

But mostly I’m not sure I want to do it.

Kind of like the “ex” smoker who keeps and emergency pack of cigarettes, just in case. I'm just not sure I'm ready to shut it all down.

Right now, a whole two weeks (groan) into my “break” I still cannot imagine I will have a change of heart and I'm worried that if I stop "looking" I might miss her-my perfect child. (And yes I know the drill "MY" child will come in His time and she will be perfect and worth the wait...but God also helps those who help themselves right?)

But here's the real issue...

I am not being intellectually honest about this process.  My break has been mostly about not confronting my husband on the subject rather than clearing my own mind.

I’m not holding up my end of the bargain.  Not really.

OK. That changes now.

You can help.

Here’s what I’m thinking. 

I need to focus on all the things I could do if I didn’t adopt another child.

Such as….

(insert cricket chirp)

Ummm, ahhh (nudge) this is where you come in.

If you don't adopt another child you could...(add your comment below...but please be kind.)

please vote every day to keep us in the top 10.

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The Curse

Nolan played in a local hockey tournament this weekend.  The team did well and ended up in the Championship game on Monday afternoon.  It was really quite an accomplishment since they were playing against kids that normally skated a division higher up. I doubt anyone expected them to make it that far much less go into the finals as the top seeded team.

I’m even more certain that I am the ONLY one that really didn’t want them to get to the Championship game.

Why?

Because when you play in the Championship game, you might come in second.

I know you’re thinking I’m not cut out to be a hockey mom.  But hear me out.

For four years now Nolan has been cursed by second place.

At first even second place was cool for him.  He still got a trophy and after all, hardware was hardware. So he happily accepted his second place trophies and medals, still optimistic that first place was around the corner.  

But this year it was different. Second place had lost all luster. This year he wanted the big trophy.  The gold medal. First place.

Second would no longer do.

Fate had other plans.

He played in Pittsburgh last month and suffered yet another second place finish.  Even though they seemed the odds on favorite somehow just couldn’t pull it off.

Curse of the second place trophy strikes again.

After the game Nolan sat in the locker room crying in frustration and disappointment.  He stayed there for a long time. When he finally emerged he slumped out to the car without a word, his head hanging low and eyes still puffy and red.

He left his trophy in the locker room saying he didn’t want it.  Luckily Dad slipped back in and retrieved it.  It was a long quiet ride home.  I think the trophy is still in the car.

Adding insult to injury the big boys in their usual loving and sensitive way made comments like “Nolan you’re not second. You’re first loser”.  They thought they were being funny.

But sometimes big brothers just suck.

It seemed the curse would not be broken.

So going into the tournament this weekend all I could think was please, please, PLEASE don’t come in second.  Lose every game but dear God not second.

(Don't vilify me-I just thought it-never said it out loud)

True to form the team played well.  In fact they won EVERY game. Once again they went into the finals as the undefeated team to beat.

I’m a pretty laid back hockey mom (really it's true) but watching this game gave me chest pain.  By the third period they were down by two.  Then Nolan's team got a goal.  They only needed one more to tie,  two to win.

Nine minutes still on the clock.  It was possible.

First place, NOT second place within reach.

I screamed. I yelled. I cringed. For a moment I forgot how to breathe.

Get a grip right?

But can you blame me?

This wasn't a hockey game this was my son's fragile little heart that was about to get broken.

We needed a goal.

Pull the goalie!!!!!!!!



Well I won’t make you wonder.  No perfect ending here.  You guessed it.

Second place.

Again.

Nolan did win the tournament MVP medal which took a little of the sting out of his "first loser" finish.

Vote by clicking this link. Don't make me beg.  You know I will.

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I probably should be medicated...

but I hate to lose.

I 'm a genuine bad sport when it comes to losing.

Graceless.  I know.

This morning I woke to see my blog has dropped to number 11.  Not even in the top 10 anymore.

The loss is crushing.

But it is temporary I promise you.

I'm not just any ole "Mommy Blogger", I'm an adoptive mom damn it.

We don't give up.

Ever.

So I am calling on my adoptive cohorts to get this blog

AN ADOPTION BLOG

back into the top ten. 

Please vote today and each time you stop by FIVE OF MY OWN.  Just click the link below.  It will take you to the top mommy site.  Once there the vote is cast. 

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Politically Correct Chinchilla Hat

Everybody's wearing them this way!

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What would you do???

I know a lot of you are adoptive parents or somehow affiliated with adoption so I want to pose a question that should be in your wheelhouse.

As you know I have three “DIY” boys and two adopted girls: one born in Kazakhstan, one in China.

IF (the “if” is for my husband’s sake), we adopt another daughter my question is should we adopt from China again or from a third country?

I guess I’m wondering if Nina might feel left out if there were two sibs from China. Will I unwittingly create some weird dynamic?

Maybe it’s better to keep everyone “even” and add a sister from Ethiopia or some other place.

Or maybe in an already mixed up family like ours it doesn’t matter at all.

I would love to hear your opinion? What would you do?

And if you were adopting internationally again what’s your top pick program and why??

**NOTE**in case you wondered for us Kaz is not an option. First the program is closed right now and second I don’t think I could take the stress and uncertainty that goes with a Kaz adoption, never mind the travel. Sorry. I love Kazakhstan but the adoption program no longer fits us.

We made it to the top 10...to vote just click this link. Once you get to the site it counts as a vote!

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Virtual Twins (Part Two)

Nina’s contribution towards the constant chaos and rivalry with her sister takes the form of relentless irritant.  Not to put too fine a point on it but Nina

 is a little turd. 

She is about as opposite from Macy as can be.

Example;

About a month or two ago I asked the girls what they wanted to be when they grew up.  Macy immediately said “I’m going to be a doctor”. Nina’s response? 

Well she proclaimed with great pride, “I’m going to be a starfish”!

BTW she no longer wants to be a starfish…this week she announced she was going to be a “fried chicken”.  

huh??? Anyway...

That’s Nina. She’s a grinning imp, a sprinkler of fairy dust, a busy bee who flits across the room so lightly you’re not even sure she’s touching the floor. Sounds sweet huh?

Sometimes.

Na na na boo boo, stick your head in doo doo!

Nina has an incredible ability to discern precisely what will bother Macy the most and then zero in on that one thing until Macy has been reduced to tears.  

Imagine a scene where Macy is dutifully picking up toys and cleaning her room all the while singing “clean up clean up, everybody, everyday”  (dream child right?).  Now pan to the corner by the toy box. 

There you will find Nina.

Pulling out toys and flinging them across the room. 

Soon Macy’s song turns to a high pitched screech followed by a barking command, “Nina STOP!”. 

To which Nina responds with a big smile and…

**FLING**

Another toys skims just over the top of Macy’s head.

Lather, rinse, repeat about a dozen times each day.

Really it’s not about Macy.  To be perfectly fair Nina enjoys torturing ALL of us in this fashion.  She is very much the equal opportunity aggravator.

In her defense I honestly don’t think Nina intends to annoy anyone. 

She’s just very VERY good at it.

We made it to the top 10...to vote just click this link. Once you get to the site it counts as a vote!

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Virtual Twins (Part One)

I may have created a monster.

Having two children, girls no less, separated in age by just 123 days presents a unique set of issues.  For us the biggest is that of never ending sibling rivalry combined with an obsessive need to be exactly like the other.

I’ve been a mom for more than 20 years but honestly this is new for me.  The boys are 4 and 5 YEARS apart.  More like three only children than anything else.  They didn’t compete with each other as much as they worked to distinguish themselves as individuals. We could handle that.

Not so for my virtual Asian Irish twins.

Macy (who seems more like the first born than last in), is fixated on fairness. For her the drive to assure exact sameness supersedes everything else including personal desire.  It goes something like this;

Me:  Macy do you want strawberry ice cream or vanilla?

Macy:  What does Nina have?

Me: Nina has chocolate.

Macy: I want chocolate.

Me: You don’t like chocolate ice cream.

Macy: I want the same kind as Nina.

Me: Ok (sigh)

Macy: (takes one bite), I don’t like chocolate.

To help Macy gain some self esteem, confidence and independence from Nina I have really been playing up the fact that she is the “big” sister.  Technically.

We use the word Jie Jie which means older sister in Chinese just to add an extra bit of Macy pride.

Let me tell you Macy has fully embraced her role as do-good, in charge, number one sister.  In fact I may have to promote her to Assistant Parent very soon. If I’m not careful she might even take my job!

She is now CONSTANTLY correcting Nina and any other errant sibling in her midst.

I'm the boss!  Do what I say and no one gets hurt.

"Nina don’t climb up there."

"Nina pick up your toys."

"Nina time to go to bed."

Yesterday Nina was jumping on my treadmill.  The girls know the treadmill is off limits.  Nina however is all about testing limits.

Macy took charge right away telling Nina to get off the treadmill.  When Nina failed to comply Macy stomped over to me to inform me of her sisters’s evil deed.  “Mama, Nina is on your tread- a-mill”.

I went into the room, Macy my trusted lieutenant at my side and told Nina to get off the treadmill.  Of course the little imp just kept running and acted like she didn’t hear me, (more on this in Part Two). 

But before I could do anything else Macy, her voice filled with contempt looked at me and indignantly instructed, “Mommy. Count!”

Dutifully I began, “one, two” and Nina jumped off the treadmill.

Macy beamed.  Her work complete.  “Good job Mommy, you’re a good mama”.

Gee thanks Macy.

(You kind of scare me.)

Almost into the top 10...to vote just click this link. Once you get to the site it counts as a vote!

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Run Lori Run

What. Have. I. Done?

I'm no runner. Seriously I'm not being modest.

At best, I lumber... sometimes with a convulsive stumble and limp.

I didn't run lumber at all until last August when I started dragging myself around the track while Nolan was at football practice.  It all began as just something to do while I waited for him.  Practice was a couple hours each night and I figured it was better than doing what most of the parents were doing which was mainly sitting on camp chairs and digging into bags of Doritos.

Ever the optimist delusional maniac, by September I was signed up for the Two Hearts for Hope 5k.  It was a classic move for me.  Swept up in the excitement of helping raise money for a good cause and the chance to meet up with a bunch of Kaz friends I decided to ignore the reality that I had yet to finish more than two laps around the track without a break. I did cross the finish line but it was not a pretty site.

A normal person would have learned her lesson.

(I think we've already established that normal isn't exactly my strong suit.)

 So I now I find myself signed up to run a half marathon.

That's 13.1 miles

In a row.

In 10 weeks.

I reiterate, what have I done?

This week I think I officially reached the freak out/I can't do this stage.

Now sobering up to the grim reality of what lays ahead of me I am searching for training tips, techniques and equipment that might offer some promise of actually getting me across the finish line.

And here lies the reason for this post.  Some of you must be runners. Runners who have some amazing secret to effortlessly gliding 13.1 miles. I want need your training tips!

Now ideally I would like to find a training program that requires me to run very slowly on an limited and inconsistent schedule excluding; bad weather days, days when I have a late meeting at work, the week of my period, any night I feel like having a glass of wine or morning I want to sleep late or the night that Glee is on. Also it should not include hills, heavy breathing or undue sweating.

Otherwise I am completely open. Your willing student.

Bring it.

In addition to a marathon panacea I also need a few more votes to break into the top ten at Top Mommy Blogs.

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Bringing Borya Home: Valentine's Day. It's All About the Romance.

Apparently the theme this Valentine's Day is Middle Aged Mom Loves Under Age Teen.

Creepy?

Maybe. 

More creepy than crushing on Barry Manilow?

No way.

Once again enjoy my friend's writing...

Bringing Borya Home: Valentine's Day. It's All About the Romance.: "5:15 Awakened by shrill beeping. Stupid alarm clock. I was having a wonderful dream about my new crush Justin Bieber. I saw the mov..."

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Happy Valentine's Day

A teenage girl caught in an epic love triangle with a vampire and a werewolf... 

It could happen.

Valentine's Day has me in a romantic mood so I will admit it.

I’ve read the entire Twilight series.

Twice.

Even New Moon.

Judge me if you must but I loved them.

More than a 40 something mother of five should.

What can I say we each have our own vice.  Skip the chocolate and roses and give me a sexy vampire any day.

<Swoon>

****FOR THE RECORD***

Technically Edward was NOT a teenager.  In fact he was a much older man...like a 300 years old or something... so it’s not really as inappropriate as it sounds: me lusting after a teenage vampire. Really if he and I were together (more swooning) HE would be the cradle robber. At 44 I would be but a babe in his eyes, (long sigh). I mean not that it's true, or he's real or that I think about it (much).

Anyway now that I’m out of the Twilight closet perhaps you will understand my choice of dress for the other two valentines in my life.



Be Mine...fovever please.



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90 Days Post OP

Our surgeon told us Macy's full recovery would take six months and we are now half way there.  Each day we see a little more improvement.  The scar itself is nearly faded away.  Her nose is still not quite centered but it is moving the way it is supposed to.  Over the next few months as all the swelling heals we expect her nose to be just where it should to be.

In the middle of her gorgeous face.

I wanted to share our good outcome with any who might have a cleft affected kid facing revision surgery or for those considering adopting a child with cleft lip.  We have had a terrific outcome so far and have found Cleft Lip/ Cleft Palate to be an easily managed "special need".  Honestly we don't think about it much, if at all.

But then again special needs is a relative term.

And we have teenagers.

Before Surgery.  The scar on Macy's lip is jagged and thick and there is an irregular "puckering" in her cheek muscle. She's still pretty darned cute though.

Hours after her 5 hour surgery...all things considered she looked great.

After.  Macy's scar fades more and more every day.  At this point it is hard to see the incision scar itself. Her lip is much smoother and softer and she is gaining more elasticity in her lip. She's got the cheesy four year old smile down pat!

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Come Out

More than 16,000 hits on this blog in the last month.   Either my mother is more obsessed than I thought OR there are a lot of you out there I don't know about.

There's a word for your kind.

blog lurker (blŏg lurk"er) n. 1. a lurker is a person who reads discussions on a blog or other interactive system like chat room or forum, but rarely participates by contributing their comments.

It sounds sinister doesn't it?

But I do it too.

I read about your family.  Look at your pictures. Check out your friend's blogs too.

Without ever even saying hello.

No comment or hint of my existence (other than an IP address) to let you know I was ever there.

Are you a blog lurker too? Here on my blog?

Are you the person from Australia I keep seeing on my Stats?

You don't have to be a Lurker.  You can come out of your Lurker closet.  Today. 

Trust me.  You are safe.  I won't be critical.  I can't spell either.  My participles dangle all the time.  And you know by now I often don't make sense.

Just please come out and say hello. Introduce yourself (or not). 

Just give me some sign you are there. 

Watching (no that's flat out creepy)

I mean.... Reading.

Go ahead...leave a comment.

Support this blog by voting daily... I know how obnoxious? First a comment and now this.  The nerve.

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Family Planning, Extreme Edition

I received my monthly “Places Everyone” email from my China agency today, it read:

The CCAA has completed the matching process for families with dossiers registered through June 2, 2006. ….We hope to learn more about the CCAA’s next referral group later this month or in early March. Our upcoming referral families will have experienced a 4.6 year referral timeframe.   

This is from the first “Places Everyone” I received way back in December 2007:

This month, the CCAA completed the matching process for families with dossiers registered through November 30, 2005….Since we did not receive referrals for the regular track families this month, the families from our next referral group will experience a 23 month referral timeframe.  

I am not really sure why I’m still getting these since we switched to special needs and have now been home with Macy for 8 months but I am interested to see the progress (or lack thereof) the non special needs program is making. Not making. You know what I mean.

It is almost unfathomable that in the 38 months since we got the first email, the backlog has grown an additional 32 months!

It is almost a standstill.

I guess it could be worse.

China could ask us to send some kids back.

Had we stayed in the non special needs program I am guessing we could expect a referral in about 95 more months.

That’s almost 8 years.

Can you see the email now… “Our upcoming referral families will have experienced a 13 year referral timeframe.”



Hey now wait a minute...maybe the paperwork got screwed up and I AM still on the list.

Yes, yes the emails all make sense now.

I'm getting another referral!

In 2020.

Of course by that time I don’t know who will need the stroller more, the kid or me.


Support this blog by voting daily...

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Ust-Kamenogorsk Window Restoration Project

Two Hearts For  Hope is going to Ust Kamenogorsk Kazakhstan to take on it's biggest challenge yet: the replacement of  135 decrepit windows in the Ust Baby House.  It is a huge project that will undoubtedly result in a real and tangible improvement in the quality of life for the babies and toddlers who live here.  You can read about the project here.

But I want to add a little of our own story...because this is not just a nameless far away place without meaning to us.

Nina is from Ust.

She lived in this baby house for 16 miserable months.

She was hungry.

She was sad.

And she was cold.

And it's really, REALLY cold in Ust Kamenogorsk.  When we were there temps dropped to 25 below zero (f). For days.  Weeks, even. This was typical.

For a month we visited Nina.  Confined to a small coat room. A large window clouded by age and grime, the only thing saving us from claustrophobia.

We rocked.

And cuddled.

And looked out the window.

Nina's only view of the world outside of the orphanage.

At some point in our trip plastic was taped to the window frame: an attempt to keep out the frigid winds. Eventually blankets were hung to insulate further. 

I am quite certain I was the first to ever pick Nina up and show her the view from that third floor window.  Before the plastic and blankets we spent a great deal of time holding her there: showing her the snow and trees and birds.  She went from glazed over and lifeless to giggles and amazement at that window. We literally bonded this way. 

So this project holds great meaning and importance for us.  Not just as a concrete way to make life just a little better for the children still there but as a tribute to my amazing, beautiful and resilient daughter.

Who survived this place.

This is OUR window!

And we are hereby pledging to replace it.

For Nina.

And for the children just like her.

Still there.

Still cold.

I am asking a special favor of all the Ust parents out there. 

PLEASE Pledge today to replace one window the baby house.

Because I know it means as much to you as it does to me. 

The Ust Baby House shelters nearly 100 newborn to 4 year old children.



Mommy and Nina in our usual spot.  We were often scolded by the staff because they thought she would get sick by being so close to the drafty window.



Nina's view to the outside world.  Notice the peeling paint and decaying edges of the window.



This is OUR window. 

you can also help by getting the word out...  feel free to share this post by email or by posting it to your facebook profile or linking to your blog.

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Accord

My husband rocks!

Or he has rocks in his head?

No, definitely he rocks!


After much discussion, we have finally reached an accord on China II. We have agreed to wait, to think, to pray for clarity over the next six months. Why six months? No particular reason other than it seemed like a reasonable amount of time to make a thoughtful decision.

Last month when I learned we could reuse our dossier in the special focus program I got excited.

OK I went a little nuts.

However you want to diagnosis me the bottom line is I moved way faster than I probably should have and certainly faster than my husband was prepared for. I got caught up in a timeline that was not our own. That was a mistake. A big one.

So we (together this time) are taking a huge step back. I am going to cool my baby hunting jets for at least the next six months. BUT (there’s always a but) we have agreed that IF I still feel as strongly about adding another child to our family six months from now then we will move forward again. Of course we will have to complete a new dossier and we likely won’t go through the special focus program where the children’s needs appear to be beyond our comfort zone but these are concerns for a later time.

To be honest I find it hard to believe I will feel differently in six months but you never really know which way life will twist and turn. I will say that after working through this not so minor conflict in our marriage I have come away even more impressed and in love with my husband than ever. His capacity to love me is astounding.

Possibly superhuman.

So for now we are NOT talking about new additions…well at least not new kids. Instead we’re going to have some fun. We have this awesome spring break trip right around the corner. And a new motorcycle and few weekend trips to the Finger Lakes are on our list. I still have my half marathon to run (and train for –eesh) plus I have a trip to Kazakhstan planned and I think I might go to India next month for business. We continue to remodel the house.

Yup there are plenty of non adoption distractions to keep my attention and who knows perhaps even pull me in another direction.

But I don’t think so.

Not yet anyway.

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Macy's First Chinese (American) New Year

Our Chinese princess in the dress we bought in Guangzhou.

Crafts, stickers and dragon tattoos (gorgeous Guizhou girl), what's not to love?

Lil sister goes right for the cupcakes....ahhh that "lucky" red icing was a joy to wash off her face.

The beautiful China dolls of greater Akron...plus one kaz cutie. (there was a photographer there and I think he got a good pic of all the girls smiling we also had a nice portrait of the girls.  can't wait to see them.)

Our little Fu Li Ping....all the Fu (good fortune) you can ask for!

Don't forget to vote...we're almost to #10...yeah I know maybe I am liking this a little more than I thought.

 

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CNY at Bo Loongs

We had dinner with several other "China families" at Bo Loongs in down town Cleveland.  Bo Loongs is widely considered the best Chinese food in the area and they did not dissappoint! The food was excellent as was the company. 

It never ceases to amaze me how many friendships we have made through the blessing of adoption...

Nina and Macy dressed in custom made outfits for CNY as part of the Chinese tradition to wear new clothes for the new year.  The fabrics details each animal on the Chinese calender.  This year is the year of the Rabbit.

Macy was VERY excited to see her "China friends"!

Nina wore the Chinese flag on her hat and was deemed an honory China girl for the night.  I get a chuckle out of Macy's bow which read "Made in China". 

We brought a bag fully of polly pcckey dolls which kept the girls entertained.

My Guizhou girl LOVES her spicy Chinese food!

I am sure this is a very differnt type of CNY celebration but she does seem to be enjoying herself, don't you think?

Always interesting to see the varied beautiful faces of China.



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Advice On Reluctant Husbands

I have been struggling for weeks now with my desire to adopt a 6 year old from China and my Husband’s desire to …well…NOT adopt a 6 year old from China.  It’s a conflict as old as time no different in adoption than it is in pregnancy.  I see pink bows and butterfly kisses; he sees sleepless nights and doctor visits.  We are both right.

Truth be told, RH (reluctant husband) wasn’t so keen on having ANY of our kids, well at least not at first.  Excepting the two kiddos that surprised the both of us, each time we discussed having another child it was always ME bringing up the subject followed by him (with deer in headlights stare) saying “NO”.  Of course each time he changed from reluctant husband to relenting husband and our family grew into the mostly happy brood it is today.

**Insert Disclaimer**

Dear Old RH reacts this way to most new ideas.  He likes to take his time and get good and comfortable with an idea before moving forward.  However once the reality of a child sets in and  there is (for instance) a beautiful  little girl standing in front of him he is THE best, most affectionate, loving and committed father you can imagine.

*****

So here remains the Printy family bus stuck in neutral; one ready to give it the gas, the other clutching the emergency brake! 

And while we work it out, I am trying hard to remind myself that we are not opponents in some competition, the prize a darling daughter.  We simply have different needs (at least for now).  

I selfishly want to mother another child, a desire rooted in my female DNA.  

I won’t apologize for that.  

But RH has his own desires, equally selfish and equally valid.  He too should not apologize. (I need to remind myself of that more often.)

**Insert Random Thought**

One thing that is really different about adoption vs pregnancy is you really can't get paper pregnant by "accident".  A less than wonderful wife (like me honey, in case you are reading) could "forget" to take her pill one month:) but not so easy for the adoptive mom.  I'm just saying, I think he might notice the social worker and the fingerprint card?

*****

Ironically this subject was discussed just a few days ago on a China adoption blog I read called Ni Hao Y’all.  Here by the way is a woman with 10 children (including 6 SN kids adopted from China) who is still lobbying her husband for another child. She asked her readers "What do you do when your husband doesn't share your desire to adopt?" 

Well now, I thought that was a great question!  So I jumped into reading the numerous comments, eager to learn the secret to turning Hubbie's "R" status from Reluctant to Relenting!  More than 50 responses later what was the the conclusion?  

PRAY.  

Huh, what?  You mean there isn’t some sort of Venus butterfly move I can do in the bedroom to get him to say yes?  Maybe some fabulous meatloaf recipe?  A scheme perhaps involving alcohol, muscle relaxants and a notary on standby?

Pray??

Then I read another comment; “Every child should be desperately wanted by BOTH parents”.  

(gulp) 

and that was it for me. So... 

I’m praying.

 

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Gung Hay Fat Choy 恭喜发财

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I get knocked down...

but I get up again....(for a minute...or even less)...you're never gonna keep me down (until I fall again) but then I get up again (again).

There is this great little ice rink at the center of the little downtown shopping area where we live.  Some of Nolan's friends from hockey were meeting up to skate and daddy decided to take the girls along for a little skate lesson.  I left my office a bit early to join in the fun (OK in the interest of full disclosure...I also came to get dinner at the hip new burger bar that opened across the street).

Nina seems to be getting the idea of gliding but Macy is content with crawling and laying on the ice.  Oh well as long as they are having fun who am I to complain?

 

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