Dragon Mask

We celebrated Chinese New Year with a few adoptive families at the Golden Dragon where we made some dragon masks....

The Bee really liked her mask...

I mean she REALLY liked it.

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SFCV...the real deal

Check out this short film to understand a little more about Shepherds Field and why I support this incredible organization.

(PS the little one in the blue shirt at the beginning of this piece is my sweet girl...sigh)

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CNY Fundraiser for Shepherds Field

Thanks everyone for a fun and successful night last night! We celebrated Chinese New Year at our house and used the opportunity to raise a little support for SFCV.

The people who came each have supported our adoption journey over these many years, something we appreciate so very much. We are fortunate to have a warm and encouraging group of friends.And last night they came through for us again.

They proved that while adoption is not for everyone....EVERYONE can make a difference in an orphaned child's life.

Thanks again to our wonderful, big-hearted and generous friends!

The incredible dragon cake. (And no,  I did not make this cake....as if.)

We really had fun decorating for the New Year.

Each guest used a "red thread" to tie a red lucky money envelope to our Giving Tree. Each one contained a donation to SFCV.

Our version of a couplet (red banner) over the doorway.

The cake WAS pretty cake boss cool, but of course this being the not so Chinese mid west they didn't quite get the spelling:)

More red lanterns...

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Speaking of Beautiful Waiting Children in China

This sweet as sugar little girl is waiting for her family to find her. Seriously is she gorgeous or what!

If you are interested in learning how you can adopt her please contact Kelly  today!

Little Miss Pink-a-lious truns 7 this month.  Her special need is Down Syndrome.

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How to Select a China Adoption Agency, Part III

Part Three: Referrals & minimizing the Wait

Referral time is one of the most exciting times during an adoption and it is also one of the most unpredictable aspects of any adoption. Have you noticed there are families who seem to wait years for a referral while others seemingly find their child overnight? The difference is;

• Desired Child Profile; the range of age, gender and special needs the family is comfortable with, and

• The number of families with similar Child Profiles represented by a given agency

• (And to a lesser degree) The agency’s access to available children and willingness to work hard on behalf of its client


It is important to understand that an agency’s function is NOT to guarantee you a referral, (much less a referral in a particular time period): they facilitate a process with no promise of a result.

In China’s special needs program the referrals are handled though a number of programs and “lists”. As you learned over on China Adopt Online, kids are designated as Special Needs and Special Focus.

In order to adopt from the Special Needs program a family must be already have an LID (log in date) issued by China’s central adoption authority. (In some cases agencies have been known to allow an LID child to be matched with a family that is close to LID, this however is an exception to the general rule.)

Children in the Special Focus program can be matched prior to obtaining their LID. In this case families must prepare and submit a dossier within 6 months of the match.

Regardless of program (SN or SF) children may be listed on what is called The Shared List or an agency’s designated Individual List. The Shared List can be accessed by most agencies while as the name implies the Individual List provides agency (for a period of time) the exclusive right/responsibility to place a given child.
There are more details but that’s the general idea. Now how does that relate to agency selection?

At any given time there are approximately 1,500 kids WAITING for families on China’s Shared list but the sad reality is many of these kids have needs beyond what most potential adoptive parents are comfortable with. If for example you are hoping to adopt an infant girl with a “minor correctable” special need there will be many other families wanting to do the same and depending on your agency your wait for referral could range from one month to more than two years.

More than any other aspect of the process, agency selection is critical to the Referral Phase.

If you are looking to minimize your wait time you need to find an agency that fits the following criteria;

1. Agencies must have access to the Shared List (most do but there are a couple that only work from Designated Agency Lists.) Access to the Shared List PLUS a large Individual List program is ideal. Do they work with specific orphanages where they get to meet children and be the exclusive placing agent? Thats good too!

2. Do they have an operational process that has case workers working through the night when the lists are released? Ask about “list night”. Ask them to describe how they go about matching kids and families? Is it first come first serve, is there a selection committee?

3. Low number of Waiting Families OPEN TO THE SAME CHILD PROFILE YOU ARE. The idea here is to reduce” internal competition”. Think about it, if your case worker has 10 families wanting to adopt children fitting the same profile you will behind those 10 in addition to competing with all of the other families with other agencies wanting to be matched with the same children.


*** I have to advocate here... the vast majority of the 1,500 kids to hit the Shared List each month do NOT fit the “as young as possible girl with minor correctable need” mold. Boys languish on these list, kids that are close to ageing out are here, kids that are over age three are ignored and kids with more serious needs are left behind.

I will share that I was matched with 30 days with The Ladybug. Why so fast? Well yes she was a girl and her special need of cleft lip/palate fit the minor correctable category BUT she was 3 years old. My case worker (with a large agency that has placed more Special Focus kids than any other agency) told me we were only one of two families open to children over age 3. We both got referrals that night


Here are a few key questions I would ask?

1. How many waiting families do you currently have?

2. How many want to adopt children fitting the same profile as us?

3. Over the past 12 months how many children fitting our desired profile have you matched? How long did each of these families wait for a referral, (not an average-they lie)? Can I talk to these families?

There are other ways to match with a child and one way that has recently caught fire in the world of China adoption is to find children through advocacy sites. Just as you have seen me advocate for several children here on Five of My Own (which BTW is how I found baby Butterfly) there are many more advocates working hard to find families for waiting children.

In general these are the kids not matched right off. They are the boys and older kids and kids with more significant needs and occasionally they are simply kids lost in the shuffle or left behind because there simply aren’t enough families wanting to adopt.

In many cases today families are identifying a child first and then finding an agency to help them facilitate the adoption.

A couple of things to keep in mind if you want to go this route;

1. Most agencies will require you to complete a preliminary application of some sort before they will allow you to view a file. This is reasonable and meant to protect the children; HOWEVER, you should not have to pay a fee to do this.

2. Just because an agency advocates for a child does not mean you have to use then to facilitate the adoption. A child on the Shared List can be placed by any SN agency with access to the list.

Here are some Waiting Child advocacy sites you may want visit if you are wanting to find a child to adopt;

Rainbow Kids

Advocate for Waiting Children Yahoo Group

China Adopt Talk Advocacy Board

Sharing Life and Love

Loving the Fatherless

Until They All Come Home

Red Thread Kids

Also most agencies maintain a listing of waiting children and may provide you access to those lists upon request (pending some vetting process).

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The Giggle Girl is Mine

Giggle girl in the pink butterfly hoodie (@1:05-1:20...15 seconds of sweet torture) is my happy, beautiful, much loved and dearly missed daughter....

Please consider sponsoring a child at Shepherds Field Children's Village.  Today marks 9 months of waiting for my daughter to come home...trust me on this,  9 months of looking at  photos and videos and dreaming about holding your child is a long, long time.   Let's say we celebrate my elephant "pregnancy" by casting a vote on Top Mommy Blogs?

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How to Select a China Adoption Agency, Part II

It is so easy to make decisions about agencies based on gut feelings and likability.  I don’t discount these 6^th sense impressions but they should not be the primary rationale for choosing an agency.  There are more tangible, objective measures that can be used to get to your short list of agencies.

On a macro level all agencies provide the same basic service but when you look closer there can be significant differences in execution. When comparing services ask your prospective agencies’ about how they handle key components of the adoption process including the dreaded paper chase.

During the Home study and Dossier phase you will be asked to provide reams of material to your social worker and /or placing agency.  I was surprised to learn that much of the information asked for could have been requested by or completed by the social worker or adoption agency, certainly they could make the multiple copies of these documents.  But alas thrice now I have been emailed a list and basically told to "get er dun". .. oh sure call if you have any questions too cause ya know, we're here to help. Right.  

Until recently I didn't even know there was another way.  There is.

One of my 3 dossier's....not fun.

Look for an agency that generally does all they can to ease the paperwork burden on its Clients.  Compare services in a detailed fashion.  You may be surprised that some of the higher priced agencies are actually turfing a lot of the work back to their Clients while other more moderate priced agencies are willing to go the extra mile. Trust me on this...you'll want that extra mile.

Home Study/Home Study Review
You already know from your time spent learning about the program that a home study prepared by a Hague accredited agency is the first step in a Chinese adoption.  A home study does not have to be completed by the placing agency. It is possible for the home study to be completed by a Hague home study agency and simply be reviewed by the placing agency.  I have seen home studies completed in a matter of weeks while others take 6 months.   When talking to a prospective agency ask about the following;

1.       What documents, training and clearances are required to complete the home study? What is the adoptive parent responsible for doing?  What does the agency the agency do?

2.       How long does it take on average to complete the home study?  If the agency is simply reviewing another agency HS how long does it take for the review? 
3.        Ask if they are willing to guarantee a turn around time.

Dossier Preparation: 
Dossier preparation requires lots of tedious work and paper chasing.  There is a huge divide in the industry. Some agencies provide a full service package and do much of the paperwork for the client, others provide little more than a list of required information and assembly directions (something you can get off the internet for free, BTW) and other offer tiered plans that charge higher fees for dossier prep.  My agency called their service the “Dragon Dossier” package and charged a couple extra thousand dollars for the service. In hindsight this was a HUGE waste of money for us and ultimately my agency’s “extra” service wasn’t as good as other agency’s standard service. (And by the way, does it seem like dossier prep should even be an adoption agency "extra" or does it seem to be more of an essential part of the adoption process???).

...Live and learn...(and then blog the heck out of it.)

Things I would compare carefully if I had to do it over again;

1.       Is there a separate or extra fee for dossier preparation? If so how much and what exactly will you be doing?  Are there any out of pocket fees not included in the agency fee (USCIS filing fees, fingerprinting, notary services, copying services, etc)

2.       How much direction, support and hands on work is provided by the agency?  Are instructions provided through personal interaction, phone calls and meetings or does the agency just send you a form letter listing the dossier requirements?

3.       Does the agency fill out any forms for you or do you have to do all the work?

4.       Does the agency use a database management system that allows frequently used demographic data to auto populate forms or do you have to keep reentering the same data on different documents?  (As an example my agency had me fill out a questionnaire, an application, a dossier cover page, a parent information sheet and a travel sheet ALL INTERNAL USE DOCUMENTS WITH THE SAME INFORMATION.  A simple Microsoft Access program could eliminate much of this work by the PAP. ) Bottom line are you doing things that require your personal involvement or are you doing clerical work that could be provided by the agency.  Any agency that pushes this sort of work back to the PAP client should be reflecting this lower level of service in their fee.

5.       How much assistance is provided with USCIS?  Are forms completed by your agency,  reviewed  before submission or does your agency just send you the form filing instructions (once again information that is available on line)?  Will you agency follow up on flinging?  If  so what is the time line for this?  Does the agency have relationships with Case Officers at USCIS and are they able and willing to work to expedite a file for a seriously ill child or a child that is aging out? (If you intend to adopt a child who will require editing ask how many times the agency has successfully expedite a file.)  What exactly is the follow up protocol?  (My agency only seemed to follow up after I asked for help.)

6.       Who handles notary services?  How are documents authenticated/apostilled etc? Is the agency responsible for making multiple copies and assemble the final dossier or does the PAP do this?

7.       Once the dossier is completed ask how long translation and DTC (Dossier sent to China) will take?  Ask them what the last 30 day average for DTC to LID (log in date) has been?  Compare the DTC to LID timeline to the timelines reported on the China Adopt Talk Special Needs Forum.

(to be continued…)

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How to Select a China Adoption Agency, Part I

 Step One: Know the Program in Advance

Choosing the right agency can mean the difference between waiting months or waiting years to receive a referral from the China special needs program. 

 Beyond the referral phase a good agency will allow for a smooth process with the smallest possible administrative paperwork burden placed on the family and an efficient operational system based on concurrent processing.

Clear, timely, and accurate communication is a must.  Compassionate, highly personal communication is ideal. 

During travel to China the best agencies have in country offices, experienced English speaking guides  who remain with you every day you are in country, a well-planned itinerary (tailored to the age and needs of your adopted child(ren), maximum travel/accommodation flexibility and transparent, itemized pricing. 

The truly exceptional agencies provide proactive follow up and offer meaningful post adoption support services to their families to make sure they are adjusting well.

As you start to explore agency options you will find a wide spectrum of (not so)  “standard” services provided as well as substantial variances in fees charged for these services. The other thing you will find is higher fees do NOT necessarily mean a higher level of service. 

Finally there are the intangibles related to the unique corporate culture of each agency, a culture that ideally will match your own personality.

Step One:  KNOW THE PROGRAM IN ADVANCE

Prospective parents need to learn about the China adoption program and process BEFORE they set about choosing an agency.  There are a number of great resources online that can educate you on the China Special Needs Adoption Program.   

The one I recommend is China Adopt Online 

I STRONGLY SUGGEST YOU START HERE!  This is a comprehensive, well laid out and up to the minute site with everything you need to know about the China SN adoption process.  This site will help you to understand the eligibility requirements, industry jargon, program differences and general process necessary to effectively evaluate agencies. 

The next place I would check out is China Adopt Talk the site affectionately referred to as "The Rumor Queen" Head to the forum and spend sometime on the "Special Needs Discussion Board".  There you will find a group of been there done that got the t shirt adoptive moms.  The know the ins and outs of the China SN program and odds are have the answer to any question you can come up with.  There is one caveat, the forum rules prohibit users to discuss specific agencies but if you ask for information you will get plenty of answers via private message.

Let me say it again start with building a solid working knowledge of the China adoption process before you call the first agency.

Once you have the basics under your belt it’s finally time to find the agency that can make it all happen for you.

(to be continued...)

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Friday the 13th

Welcome to my official Friday the 13^th post.

Talk about playing into the superstition...

Remember that DS230/Article 5, the one that my agency had at 8am Monday morning, the one that usually takes 1 day for other agencies to process, the one my case worker said would take them a day to process then 2-3 days to get to China, well guess what?

Today I was told it wouldn’t be dropped off until the 17^th.

Yup that’s right 11 DAYS after I got my NVC PDF.

OUT. RAGE. OUS.

But oh it gets better….

Now because of these delays we are getting caught in the Chinese New Year shut down so our pick up date, which is normally 14 days won’t happen until February 1^st at the soonest.

So who’s doing the math with me?

January 6^th to February 1^st is how many days?  Oh yes I have it,

27 !%$#*&! DAYS.

That’s just a day shy of DOUBLE the normal time. (Of course who knows if our pick up will be February 1^st right?   Still time to go for more.)

I’m beside myself with rage and grief.  Not in a million years did I think I would still waiting in 2012.

First it was 5 months for an OH Child Abuse Clearing, then a three month delay getting our home study update, and a 2 week delay on the I800a, and a 10 day delay getting our DTC, and a 2 week delay on the I800 and now this.

SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN HOME LAST OCTOBER.

Excuse me if I’m not a happy adopter. And PLEASE don’t tell me "it’s all for a reason" or "it will all be worth the wait" or talk about "His time".  I’m over it,  done with the platitudes.  The rainbows and unicorns left this adoption about three freakin screw ups ago.

This sort of cruel and inhumane bureaucratic ineptitude needs to end.  Yes for me the whiney, impatient, pain in the ass, HEARTSICK mother but most of all for my daughter, (you know the child with the unknown brain injury who needs therapy now if she’s ever to be able to live a normal life).

She waited for TWO YEARS on the waiting child list, wasn’t that long enough... immoral enough?

What could these last (wasted) 5 months have meant to her...to us?

PLEASE VOTE, I WANT AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE TO READ ABOUT THIS.

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Cul de Sac Snookie

Im not going to go into too much detail now (mostly because I don't know a whole lot) but...

we have a Skype interview tonight with a producer for a reality TV show.

Ummm, yeah, you read that right.

How completely bizarre is that?

We've actually been contacted a few times before; Headline News, a production company developing programing for the Oprah Network, the Nate Berkus Show but nothing (OBVIOUSLY) has ever come of it.

I suspect it will be the same this time too. I mean were pretty normal (read as boring... as in we have meatloaf on Tuesday's boring) and last I checked reality TV isn't looking for "normal".

Personally I would be thrilled to participate in something that presented a fair and balanced view of adoption and highlighted the orphan crisis in the world. That would be cool and I don't think I've ever seen anything like it. And, I think people would be interested in the real life drama of adoption.  I can't tell you how many times people have said to us, "you should write a book" or you guys need your own TV show" after I share our REAL adoption stories. And the truth is we (adoptive families) each have a compelling and unique story to tell.

There was an adoption show on a few years ago called Adoption Stories that followed adoptive parents through their adoption journey (all in 30 minutes including commercials).  It was sappy and never really touched on the real issues of adoption...you know the messy stuff like the attachment and bonding, the awful wait, adoptions gone wrong, lost referrals, grieving birth mothers, trans racial/cultural identity, financial stress and forget about the economic, political and social issues causing the need for adoption.

Pretty much all you saw were adoptive parents emoting about wanting a child,  packing for a trip, running with open arms on gotcha day and then the joyous airport welcome home.

Not exactly how I remember our adoptions.  I'm sure I was the exception (cough, cough).

Our interview tonight is for a program that is more about family life than adoption per se.  If they are looking for "normal with a twist" we might be a fit.  If they are looking for "Snookie and the Situation get married, have kids and rock the cul de sac pot luck",  they might be disappointed.

I'll let you know.

Until then please click the juggling chicklet and vote for my blog.  I am in a neck and neck race for second place.  So dramatic. Thanks!

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What's One More Week?

Make a note: please be gentle and sympathetic with mothers separated from their children, even when we only know them through a photograph we feel the pain of their absence EVERY SINGLE DAY.  Do not minimize the wait or the loss. Especially if you are an adoption professional, please remember the URGENCY is real: for the parents who are missing their kids and for the kids who need families and medical interventions. We are not impatient, we are doing what good parents do... advocating for our kids.

(Steps off soap box and tears open yet another chocolate bar...)



Well, less than 48 hours later and my best case dates are already out the window.

What is at most a 24 hour process for other agencies is apparently a 3-5 day process for mine.

Which just sucks.

And worse yet, the delay is completely avoidable.

Of course the first step to fixing a problem is admitting you have one.


Overall I like my China agency (and LOVE some of the people who work there) and I know no agency is perfect but ......Duuuuuuuudes,

you can need to do better.

What exactly could they do better?

Well instead of waiting until I got my PDF to review my paperwork and submit to China,  they could have had me send all the paperwork to them when I filed the I800.  If they had, then they could have reviewed the documents and forwarded them to China and then when I got the PDF (last Friday) all  they would have had to do is email the same PDF to China. Our Article 5 could have been dropped off the same day or next business day.

With a little advanced planning and processing our Article 5 could have been dropped off yesterday.  Instead it will go Friday or  maybe even next Monday.

Think a week isn't a big deal?  Well then tell me which of your preschool kids you're willing to send to "Chinese orphanage camp" for a week?  Didn't think so.

The wait is already long and these days, days of unnecessary waiting, they matter. A lot.

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OCAD-Obsessive Compulsive Adoption Disorder

Last Friday at 3pm (not that Im stalking my computer or anything), I received a PDF by email from the State Department's National Visa Center informing me that our petition to "classify" (baby butterfly)"orphan as an immediate relative" was forwarded to Guangzhou China.

Woohoo we've been CABLED!!


There were about a dozen items including passport sized photos, original immigration approvals, our LSC and LOA (and blah, blah, blah) that needed to go to my agency along with the cable notice.  I tossed them together that same day and sent the whole caboodle by overnight mail to my agency.

According to my FedEx tracking number the package arrived as expected at 8:54 this morning.

I'm assuming my Article 5 (the notice from the US that informs China we are suitable adoptive parents and that Miss Butterfly will be able to enter and reside permanently in the United States.) will be dropped off tomorrow, maybe right now--it is 10 am Tuesday in China after all.

The Article 5 is then picked up in 14 days so I'm expecting that on January 24th-ish.

The only thing left after that is travel, glorious, travel approval and that could come anywhere from 1-3 weeks later.  (Sometimes longer but since we've had more than our fair share of delays I'm going to pass this time on the delay cart.)

We are asking for the first available Consulate Appointment which right now is out to the end of the first week of February.  There are only 24 spots, four days per week available so occasionally there are backups, again we are taking a pass on all further delays, thank you very much!  So I'm assume we will have a CA 3-4 weeks after our TA.

So then looking at all best case scenarios all the way around and assuming a gotcha day 9 days prior to CA, I COULD be holding my daughter as early as ......

FEBRUARY 12TH!

(probably not but just for a while I'm going to enjoy the possibilities.....ahhhhhhhhhhhh, February 12th.)

And if you think all of this minute by minute tracking and stalking and counting down of the minutes left between now and the moment I finally get to hold my daughter for the first time is obsessive and unhealthy and maybe even warrants medical intervention...

...well then you probably haven't ever adopted before.

obsessive clicking on the perky juggling chick is much appreciated!

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What's Worse Than Being Hated By Your USCIS Officer?

Do you know what's worse than a USCIS officer that hates you?

Almost nothing.

But a personal trainer that hates you?

Well it's close.

I'm on day 3 of my 5am/6pm, two-a-day boot camp.Yesterday I was so sore that I contemplated throwing myself down the stairs because it would be less painful than actually lifting my leg to take a step.

I hurt.

This morning we had a "fun run"...30 second intervals of fast sprints with a "recovery jog" in between.  After the embarrassing struggle to crunch my abs during the prior 10 minutes I thought finally something I can do.  I mean I ran a half marathon 6 months ago.  That's like 13.1 miles...says so on the sticker on my car right?  I got this.

NOT.

I sucked it up.  Literally. I was sucking for air.

Damn this is hard(er) each time. 

The thing about exercising is you sort of have to keep doing it. Duh. I know this so why is exercise a chronic series of fits and starts for me?  What's that 2012 word of mine?  Discipline?  Yeah that's it, that's what it takes. That's what I need.

If only it were on Amazon.  I'd order up a case right now.


...in other slightly less self adsorbed news;

• I received the hard copy of our I 800 approval.  It was actually dated December 28th a WHOLE DAY (dripping sarcasm) sooner than we thought.  I'm starting my daily calls to the NVC today to find out if our approval was cabled to Guangzhou.  If I can get a PDF copy of the cable we can save a week or two waiting for the next step.  

• Middle Child broke his leg last week.  It was a bizarre injury and I still cant believe he did it.  He slipped and fell on a wet tile floor.  I saw the whole thing and honestly it didn't seem possible that he could have hurt himself much less break a bone.  Luckily he does not need surgery and he should heal just fine but he will be in a cast for at least the next 6 weeks. We are all hoping it is off before we leave for China.

Oh well off to get ready for work...damn I've got to climb those stairs.

There is no charge for reading about my glamorous and oh so fabulous life but you can show some love by clicking on the perky juggling chick and voting for me. :) Thanks

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Nesting...aka just another excuse to shop for cute little girl clothes

I officially started nesting this weekend.  Somehow the changing of the calendar is making it all feel very real.  Well that and the fact that we are now in the paperwork homestretch!

We took down the tree yesterday and brought up the boxes of baby clothes, (insert ridiculous-I-should –be-totally-over-it-but-I’m-not squeal). 

I haven’t had any measurements since early September so I’m totally guessing on sizes.  Back then she was fitting in 18-24 month clothes and wearing a size 5 shoes so  I’m packing (yes that’s right, I’m packing) mostly 24 months items plus some 2t stuff.  I think if I stick to dresses (I might have a few) they should be pretty forgiving.

After sorting through the boxes of clothes I realized most of the stuff in the boxes were either too small or too big.  What’s a mom to do?  You know already.

Mud Pie...Lily Pad

Mud Pie Wild Child Giraffe

(hmmm there my be a Zebra set too...I just cant lay off the big bows)

And a Mud Pie Lady Bug Yoga Set, of course

Then there was BonEful for a few custom made frills...

Oh and I'll need a spiffy red and black Boba3G too...

 there might have been more but just in case you know who is reading we'll just leave it at that. 

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What's the Word?

Last year my good friend Angela challenged me and a group of friends to choose a word rather than a resolution to represent 2011.  I 'm seeing this as a bit of a trend this year but when Angela proposed it a year ago it was the first time I had heard of the exercise and something about it struck me as elegantly simply and utterly brilliant.  Right away I worked to find my word.

After some thought I settled on an unlikely word.

RAPTURE.

Unlikely because the term is seeped in Christian meaning which was not my focus at all.  My interpretation was far more humble than predicting the return of Christ. For me it had to do with being swept away with joy, ie

1. the state of mind resulting from feelings of high emotion; joyous ecstasy

2. (often plural) an expression of ecstatic joy

3. the act of transporting a person from one sphere of existence to another

This is what I wrote to Angela and my group back more than a year ago...

"I want to let go of reserve and concern about what other people think. You know, dance like nobody's watching, sing off key at a karaoke bar and snort (if I must) when I laugh. I want to fully appreciate and enjoy the people in my life and the sun on my face and the lines etched on my face (YES WRINKLES) caused by smiling "too much". I want to be swept up in it all that is beautiful."

Then I shared this amazing Mary Oliver  poem that sort of captured it all for me...

All summer
I wandered the fields
that were thickening
every morning,

every rainfall,
with weeds and blossoms,
with the long loops
of the shimmering, and the extravagant-

pale as flames they rose
and fell back,
replete and beautiful-
that was all there was-

and I too
once or twice, at least,
felt myself rising,
my boots

touching suddenly the tops of the weeds,
the blue and silky air-
listen,
passion did it,

called me forth,
addled me,
stripped me clean
then covered me with the cloth of happiness-

I think there is no other prize,
only rapture the gleaming,
rapture the illogical the weightless-

whether it be for the perfect shapeliness
of something you love-
like an old German song-
or of someone-

or the dark floss of the earth itself,
heavy and electric.
At the edge of sweet sanity open
such wild, blind wings. 

And so how did I do?

Honestly pretty great!

Last year I worked hard to strip away the reserve, the fear and self doubt from my life.  In many ways I felt like I was channeling the movie Yes Man.

In the movie Jim Carey changes his life for the good when he starts saying yes to every opportunity that presents itself, (that's way oversimplified but basically that's the premise-its funny you should watch it).  Anyway, that's pretty much what I started doing in my life.

And I'm telling you it was good...really good.

One of the small things I did was start this blog and submit a couple of articles for publication.  I did that last December and by March we hit the #1 spot on Top Mommy Blogs and we've had 500,000 visits to this site.  I've had two articles published and we were voted on of the 25 Most Inspiring Family blogs.  More importantly I have been able to use the blog to advocate for orphans.

Which brings me to one of my cherished rapture moments of 2011.

I didn't start out thinking I would use the blog to find homes for kids.  The first child I advocated for was a child I wanted to adopt myself.  She was a very ill child and she was already 7 years old. Everything before "the word" (lowercase), would have led me to say no way but somehow when I saw this child's photo and read her story instead of thinking of all reasons why we couldn't adopt her I found myself thinking why not? Inexplicably all the fear I should have had was pushed aside.

I know I just said "rapture" was not intended to be religious, but I have to admit something I still can't quite explain happened at that moment.  As the usual thoughts of worry and self doubt entered my mind I heard a voice (I know it sounds crazy but it's the truth) and it said "It's OK you can do this" and then from my head thorough my heels a wash of peace and calm came though me.  Was it God, Jim Carey or just the voices in my head?  I don't know but what I do know is I embraced it, felt the rapture of the moment and everything was changed.

I did not adopt that child instead she was the first child I advocated for here on this blog.  She found her family (and was home long before we could have adopted her) and several other kids have since been advocated for and also found families including our dear daughter whom I never would have found or been brave enough to adopt had this entire sequence of events not taken place. Pretty awesome huh?

But that's not all. In my year of yes, I went on two mission trips, something I've always wanted to do but never had the courage to do.  The first one to China back in June was with a group of people I didn't even know, the result of me saying YES to a perfect stranger (now dear friend) who sent an email asking me to join her trip. As part of that trip I did soemthing else I'd never done...I asked for help.

Here and on Facebook I asked people to donate supplies and money to bring to China.  I will never forget the night the commitments to help started pouring in. I cried for hours, tears of absolute joy.  I thought my heart would burst with the emotion of it, the goodness of it.  It still amazes me. I've never been good at asking for or accepting help before but this time I said yes to the offers of assitance and it turned into something miraculous.

My trip to Kazakhstan was no less emotional and in fact WAS a religious experience for me. Although the feelings and situation were complex there were many things that became more clear for me...most of all my passion to serve and my need to share and do more with dear friends.

What else did my own personal rapture lead me to?

I dared to ask to have my daughter moved from a Chinese state run orphanage to Shepherds Field Children's Village and actually made it happen!


I trained for a half marathon....and finished!


I exposed a long time vulnerability to my closest friends...and was encouraged and lifted up by them.


I started a new business...one that had been in development for years


Now I didn't sing in a Karaoke bar but only because it didn't come up; something to keep on the to do list I guess. Because while the year is over my desire to embrace this life with ecstatic joy is here to stay!

So what is this year's word?

Discipline.

While my kids run and hide, I will say this has nothing to do with them. It's about me staying focused on what is important and having the commitment to keep to those things. David Campbell put it simply enough..."discipline is about remembering what you want".

OK now it's your turn...what is your word for 2012?

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