Changes in Kaz...Gender Selection

I was pretty good while on vacation about NOT getting on the web and reading anything in the adoption world. I needed to take a break from IA with all of its stress and worry and interminable waiting. It was a good thing and I recommend it to all of my fellow PAP's stuck in the waiting phase of this journey. Much like the 60 mile walk I just finished, it will take determination, persistence and a lot of plain old stubbornness to get to the end of this race.

Of course now that vacation is over and I am sitting with my battered feet up, I am right back to the computer catching up with some of my favorite blogs and checking in with various yahoo groups. It seems while I was otherwise engaged the officials in Kazakhstan were changing the rules once again. Apparently they are seeking to stop adoptive parents from choosing the gender of a child.

In concept I understand and actually agree with this change. The imbalance in the number of girls adopted vs. boys is heartbreaking. So many boys are left behind while baby girls have long lines of parents waiting to adopt them (or so it seems). I am the mother of three sons and it is confusing to me why the boys are less adoptable. I love being a boy mom. It has been the greatest experience of my life. But such is the case and so many boys need homes.

In reality though I AM the mother of 3 boys and I desperately want the opportunity to mother a daughter. The ability to select the gender of our child is the reason we decided to adopt in Kazakhstan-it is the reason we decided to adopt at all. If we are not able to adopt a daughter then ....I struggle to write this...I do not think we are meant to adopt at all.

I know that the goal of adoption is to find parents for children not children for parents. But does this mean the needs of parents are irrelevant? Are adoptive parents expected to be like God and provide perfect selfless love? For me adoption (like all love relationships) is at the same time both selfless and selfish, with both parents and children getting, beautifully, just what they need. Somehow taking away the adoptive parents option to choose who they adopt puts this equation out of balance.

I did contact my agency on this point and I am waiting to hear something definitive from them. Hopefully (selfishly) this is something that won't effect us since we have already been assigned a region. After 20 months of trying to adopt I am exhausted and increasingly impatient with the constant changes, endless paperwork and delays. I am not sure how many more disappointments I can endure. Call it what you will, selfish or not, I just need my daughter.

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Myrtle Beach Vacation Pictures

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60 Miles FOR Bust!

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My feet are still blistered and swollen as I write this post but I say now I will definitely do this again next year. What an amazing experience! My friend Maria and I walked as a team called "FOR OUR DAUGHTERS". She walked for her daughter Brittany and I for my daughters I have not yet met. The thoughts of these girls motivated us at every step.

Over 3 days we walked a total of 60 miles in temperatures topping 90 degrees. We slept in tents at night, showered in shower trucks and used a porta potty. There were almost 1,300 walkers in all and Maria and I completed the walk on Sunday in the top 40 walkers. Of course it wasn't a race but we learned that each of us is both competitive and stubborn so we pressed hard to the finish line.

By the end of the walk Maria was wearing a knee brace with a bag of ice wrapped with saran wrap around her knee and I ( feet wrapped in gauze and duct tape) took off my shoes to find blisters bigger than my toes and a blood filled sock. No matter,there was no pain that could diminish the joy we felt upon completing this walk. It was grueling and incredible all at once.

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She's back...and then she's gone again!

We are home from a wonderful visit to Surfside Beach. We spent lots of time on the beach just playing and relaxing. I promise to post some pictures as soon as I can. We had one of those oh-so-cliche "family dressed in white on the beach" photo sessions so we've got some good pics to share. I can't post them now because I need to pack another bag and head out to another hotel tonight. Believe me I don't want to, I really do miss my own bed but tomorrow starts the Susan Komen (breast cancer) 3 day. I was able to raise almost $3000 for the cause and now must fulfill my end of the deal by walking 60 miles. Truth is after all the vacation eating this past couple of weeks 60 miles of sweat is just what I need.

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08/08/08

My Dear China Doll,

I thought you would be here with us already. I imagined us watching the Beijing Olympics with you sitting on my lap. Alas the wait for you is much longer than we imagined. Today is a "lucky" day in China but we know the day we meet you will be the luckiest of all.

• Yao de fa, bu li ba” (If you want to be wealthy, don’t be without the number 8) - Mandarin Chinese saying

• Eight was originally deemed auspicious by the Cantonese, since in Cantonese, eight reads as 'Fa', which means to make a great fortune in the near future.

• The more 8s, the better, so it’s no surprise that the opening ceremonies of the Summer Olympics in Beijing will start at 8 p.m. China time, 8 minutes and 8 seconds after the hour, on Aug. 8, 2008.

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The Beach House Awaits!

Tommorrow we leave for the beach. Two glorious weeks of sand, sun and surf. That and a whole lot of nothing!!!! Pathetic? Maybe, but I know it's what our family needs right now. We have been so ridiculously busy this summer. Kiefer with EMT school has worked so hard and had no real break from school. Aidan also took several summer classes and for the past two weeks he has been at Heidlebrg College attending an academic/gifted camp, (BTW I miss him like crazy!). My little Nolan has attended one camp after another including; manners camp, VBS, reading camp, hockey camp, and now football practice every night for 2 hours. Since I'm working, Dart is the one playing taxicab driver, homework checker and peanut butter and jelly sandwich maker to the whole crew. We are tired and a couple of weeks at the beach just hanging out together will be a great way to end the summer.

On the adoption front:

We need to extend our USCIS approval so we are applying for the free extension of our I171-H. To do so we are going to have to update our home study again, (this is number 3 for those of you counting). I am sending the requests for the child abuse clearings before we leave tomorrow since last time this was what took the longest. At least this way something will get done while we are at the beach. The rest should be pretty straight forward and with any luck should be the last time we have to update documents for our Kaz adoption. We are close and therefore undaunted. We will prevail. And this summer vacation, I will consciously enjoy as the last (for a while) where I can lay on the beach, read a book or even nap at leisure. Next summer I will be back in my "hyper-vigilant-mom-of-a -toddler-near-water" mode - and how bizarre that it sounds so good to me :)!

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China vs Kazakhstan

No this isn't about the Olympics. I was thinking about how different the adoption process is between these two neighboring countries. China seems so orderly. Everyone fills out the same paperwork, submits their dossier, and then gets in queue. All with a nice little Log In Date just to keep track of it all. Just like the deli ...now serving LID 9/13/2007 (I wish!).

Kazakhstan on the other hand seems like I'm rushing the stage at a rock concert. No real sense of who gets thru or when they get there. Just lots of chaotic action. I'm just not good at that. I'm a rule follower even if I don't especially like the rules. Of course Kaz is moving much faster than China which I like but I can't help but feel a little uneasy not knowing when we might "get the call". I read today that a kaz family who is literally 29 days ahead of us in the process will be traveling in 3 weeks. What does that mean for us? Probably nothing but it seems like it should. Doesn't it make sense that we would travel in 3 weeks and 29 days?

To cope I have decided to try to concentrate on getting ready-"the nesting phase". I do have lots to do before we travel and the truth is I am grateful just to be so close to my daughter. I guess just like the last couple month of pregnancy, the approaching end of my paper pregnancy seems ironically, to make me less and less patient.

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Kiefer Completes EMT-B Course

I want to take a minute to brag about my first born. Although Kiefer has not yet even graduated from high school he has already decided he wants to be an Fire Fighter/Paramedic. At first I wasn't sure how I felt about this choice but after seeing his passion for the profession I am now very supportive. This summer Kiefer CHOSE to take a summer course at Stark State College to become an EMT. At 17 he was by far the youngest person in his class. He went to class every Monday and Wednesday night and all day every Saturday. He attended extra lectures, clinicals and rode with EMS squads. I am in awe of his enthusiasm and commitment! This week Kiefer took his final exams and passed his first college course. Dart and I are very proud and look forward to seeing all that this great kid of ours will accomplish.

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