Mercy, Hope and Patience

 February 6, 2012

Sounds like sisters from a Victorian romance novel.
But it’s just a short list of things I seem to be in short supply of as I SLOWLY move through the interminable wait to get to my daughter.
Adding to the pain of the more than 9 month separation from my child is a week long discussion with my agency about travel fees.  I won’t go into detail (yet) but let me just say that the back and forth with my agency has been  exhausting and disquieting. I sent them an email asking AGAIN for clarification on fees and I have vowed it will be my last attempt at reasoning with them.  (They probably all breathed a sigh of relief reading that-I’m sure they did.)  I don’t agree with their take on things and I find myself outraged by the lack of transparency in the fees but I simply cannot allow them to steal any more joy out of what should be a wonderful time in our lives.
Money suck, apparently so.
Joy suck, only if I let them.
Unfortunately the process of “fighting” with the very people that are supposed to be supporting me though this adoption has left feeling depleted and struggling to find much of anything upbeat to write.  I want to be a positive voice for adoption but the truth is at this point I can’t do it.    
I guess that’s the MERCY I need from y'all. 

Can you put up with a cranky, self-absorbed (more than usual), way overdue waiting mama on the edge?’s probably going to get worse from now until the time I have her in my arms.

And HOPE, well do you have any of that to spare for a sister in need?
I’ve lost all HOPE that I will have a satisfactory response from my agency (though I'll let you know either way) and I’m quickly losing hope for travel in March.  
Losing hope is a terrible feeling; it's numbing and heavy.

Who's that last sister?  PATIENCE?

Boy is she a witch.
Honestly and truly if anyone tells me to be MORE patience I might just not be responsible for my own actions. Screw patience. I’ve been patient.  I’m over it.
 If there is one thing I am completely and utterly out of it is patience.

Signed Ms. Cranky McCranks-a-lot....

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