Annual Assault on my Self Esteem

Search Amazon.com Apparel for swimsuit

How about none of the above?



We are going on a  Caribbean cruise in less than two weeks so this weekend I buckled down and finally made the dreaded trip out to the mall for a swimsuit.

Now in case you don't know I live in Northeast Ohio.  Where the sun shines approximately two days each year. And after a long, cold, snowy, seemingly never-ending winter.

I have to tell you people...


I am WHITE...pasty, ghostly, vitamin D deficient WHITE.

And I'm just saying... WHITE makes EVERYTHING looks BIGGER.

(except my boobs,  apparently.)


Now I know this is vain and shallow stuff

(certainly not on par with the plight of orphans around the world)

and at nearly 45 I should be over it.

What can I say except

Guilty.


After hours at the mall (which I hate by the way) I was left sweating and disheveled from trying on every suit Nordstroms, Dillards and Saks 5th Ave had to offer.

One after the other each suit failed to deliver on the promise to miraculously transform away inches from my tummy while magically adding them back to my bust.

Liars.


So I came home without a new suit.

Which is just as well since I have at least two dozen swimsuits of every color and design already in my drawer.

The pathetic result of prior quests to find that perfect, mind and body altering suit that transforms me into a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model,  (only way better cause I'm like totally smart and nice and a super cool mommy too).


You see I am vain, shallow AND optimistic too!

I believe there is a magic suit out just waiting for me to discover

Some day.

(cue Judy Garland for "Somewhere over the Rainbow".)



***Update***


I just ordered a new suit on line.

I have a good feeling... this might be the one!

 I believe in miracles like the perfect swimsuit and making it to # 4  on top mommy blogs.  
Help keep me there by clicking the big flashy button!