Adoption is the Start of Healing

 May 25, 2012

Those of you who have been around for while have probably noticed I’ve been quiet. Life has trumped blog. There is a difference.

There is so much brokenness in Mia.  It’s not physical. Her special need is serious and at the same time insignificant compared to the trauma she has endured.

It requires my attention…and more. So. Much. More.

I’ve often heard, particularly in the adoptee community that adoption is trauma, loss, a primal wound.  I understand (intellectually anyway) what they mean but I have to disagree that adoption itself is the cause of this trauma.

Abandonment is trauma.

Lying alone in a crib for 22 hours a day is trauma.

Hunger is trauma.

Not being loved or wanted is trauma.

Physical and sexual abuse is trauma.

No one coming when you cry is trauma.

The things that lead up to adoption are traumatic and painful and can cause life long damage but they should not be lumped broad brush style and called "adoption".

Adoption is healing.

And THANK GOD there is healing occurring in our daughter right now.  Everyday great strides are made.

But, it is a struggle.

One that requires our exhaustive (and gladly given) efforts. 

We have a strong faith that one day she will be healed.  One day the wounds of her first four years will turn to faded scars that no longer (we pray) cause pain.

But until then it is our job as adoptive parents, as her mother and father to do everything possible to help her heal.

And frankly that takes time away from other things in life.  Like this blog.

I have tried to write daily (or something close to that).  This has been somewhat of a journal for me and I have enjoyed looking back to see what I was thinking, what we were doing,  how bad my hair looked! And of course,  I have loved the community this blog has connected me to… more than you can ever know.

But right now it is not a priority.  It can’t be.

I am torn though because I still want to advocate for the children still waiting for someone to heal them.

I’m trying to figure out a balance, It’s a work in progress but It likely means I will post less frequently here.  Still a regular contribution but less than daily as before.

Hopefully though there is an upside to that too.  I would love the opportunity to share, thoughtfully, our experience as we move thorough he “healing phase” of adoptive parenting. 

Maybe less can be more.

 In any event I just wanted to offer a small explanation to those who may have noticed a change.

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