Acute Attention Deficit Disorder.

 September 19, 2011

Once again I’m in that overwhelmed-by-life place. 
My thoughts are all over the map. Focus is near impossible.  Writing, blogging, whatever the heck you call this thing that I’m doing here, requires me to be able to pick a thought and hang onto it long enough to toss out a couple of sentences and THAT is definitely NOT happening.

Not this week.
Because in FOUR days I go to Kazakhstan and I haven’t packed a thing.  Like for reals.  NOTHING. I mean I'm trying. I  keep starting, ok thinking about starting, but then I’m distracted. 
I may have an acute attention deficit disorder.
But I've done this before and sometime between Thursday night and early morning Friday I'll get it together.
And then, when I finally do get on the plane (and rest assured I will) maybe then I can write about the things swarming my brain;
Like…this stupid article being passed around blog world criticizing mission trips. (How about that for great timing?)  It actually suggests that by meeting the orphans on our mission trip and then leaving shortly thereafter WE (horrible missionary types) cause attachment disorders in the kids!  Yes far better to leave them to bang their heads against the wall for stimulation. Wouldn't want to confuse them by injecting a little warmth into their lives. Oh yeah, and apparently missionaries are taking away jobs from the local people (who would otherwise be beating the doors down to take care of these kids)…funny though I sure don’t remember shoving past those people when we were in China nor do I recall seeing them during the  month I spent in an orphanage in Kazakhstan.  The weird thing is what I remember was one caregiver for 16 hungry who had bleeding diaper rashes from sitting in their own filth for hours at a time. ) What a load of bunk.   I’m convinced there are just some people ready to bitch about anything, everything, especially something that suits their agenda.  How about global warming, unemployment, JKF are we self-serving adopto-raptor Christians responsible for that too? (Don’t bother I already know your answer…and I’m bored.)
Like… how “the activists” get all nasty and nuts about AP’s who use terms like “paper pregnant” suggesting it is some sort of insult towards biological mothers or something absurd like that. Newsflash we are celebrating our adoptions and the children we adopt with a cute lighthearted saying.  Lighten up it’s not a manifesto and it's not about you, it’s a freakin t-shirt.  (Again to the hordes of AP haters most of whom are apparently named "Anon"…save it, I’m not in the mood.  I didn’t argue with you when I read this baloney on your blog did I?)
Like…BEING paper pregnant…we are almost DTC. Almost.  Last week we did this crazy road trip to get all of our documents stamped and approved and whatever.  I thought we could make it fun but I'm basically burned out on dossier prep. .. still I think I’m going to wear my “paper pregnant” t-shirt tomorrow.
Like…the new picture I got last week of my beautiful Butterfly, (sigh).  The pictures are all so bittersweet.   They were sent to me on Facebook  by someone I don’t know .  Actually I was just tagged in the picture and I really have no idea who she is other than a darling woman who (thank God) is willing to share a little love with orphans.  In one of the photos my baby girl is giving kisses to her.  It was so sweet but it made me incredibly sad.  I want those kisses.  Now.  I am just depressed about this wait. 
As hard as it is to not be with her...I'm glad someone is. Thank you

So there you go overwhelmed, cranky, defensive and depressed.  One  hell of a prize aint I?
Sorry to be such a downer.  I'm hoping and praying to get my brain together over the next four days. 
And I will.  Because I know one of the many great things about these trips is the clarity they offer.  No matter how wrapped up in my own dysfunction I am,  I know it will all fall away when I walk through those orphanage doors and I get a supercharged dose of perspective.
Just hope I don’t have to fight too many locals to get in.
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