A Year Ago Today!

"Meetcha" Day,  one year ago was the single most emotional day of my life. Only time will tell how Nina will measure that day. Hopefully she will regard it well. Her story is yet to be told. This is mine.

Exactly one year ago Dart and I boarded a plane headed for Ust Kamenogorsk, Kazakhstan. The entire time I clutched tight a small photo of a little girl we hoped would be waiting for us at the other end of our journey. It was already evening when we arrived at the baby house and it was almost too dark to make out the building. We headed in quickly as our driver told us to hurry, there was a sense of urgency that added to the feeling that something was wrong.

As we entered the building, I remember almost feeling suffocated by the heat and the smell of cabbage soup. It was oddly quiet and dark, most of the lights in the building were off. Our Coordinator met us at the entry and we struggled to keep up with her as she lead us through the black hallways. She brought us to the Director's office where we were instructed to sit and wait. It was surreal. While we waited the Coordinator and Director and other workers talked to one another in Russian. To my yet untrained ear they sounded angry and that combined with my growing paranoia made me think there was indeed something wrong. I thought maybe SHE is not here, maybe they won't let us have her?


But then she was there sitting all by herself on this huge chair in the Directors office. My first thought was she is so small, more the size of a one year old. She wore a yellow party dress with thick yellow tights and those red orphanage shoes. She sat completely still, absolutely terrified, with her lip sucked in. There were silent tears running down her face. She was beautiful. I remember at that point having a sense of tunnel vision: all I could see was her. Sounds faded away, the light seemed to shine on her. There were only two of us at that moment. I picked her up and pulled her into my body. I tried hard not to cry so I wouldn't scare her more than she already was but once I had her pulled close to my body the tears came full and heavy. The baby girl in the picture was finally in my arms.

A few minutes later we were shown to another room where we were able to hold Nina for a little longer. That is when we finally remembered in our overwhelmed, jet lagged state to take out the camera. We snapped the few pictures you see here. Still terrified, Nina seemed conflicted. I could tell she liked the holding and cuddling but it was clear she wasn't sure what to make of it. I kept thinking it was as if she had never been cuddled before. I was sad and joyful all at once, a complexity of emotions I had never before experienced. Then without warning and well before we were ready we were told it was time to go. Most unceremoniously Nina was taken away and returned to her group and we were instructed to come back in the morning and to bring Pampers!

Later that night back at the Shiny River Hotel, Dart and I must have looked at the pictures on our camera a hundred times; zoomed in on her nose, her chin, her fingers all so sweet and perfect and beautiful. We were about as happy as I can remember us being.

It is a strange way to have a baby I suppose but, on a dark and cold night in an orphanage on the other side of the world one year ago today, that is how I met my beautiful daughter.