Proof Positive That New Adoptive Moms are Hormonal Too...

 January 25, 2009

It is hard to believe that it has been one month since our “Gotcha” day. It seems like yesterday and years ago, all at the same time. It is an odd thing to want something (or in this case someone) and then to finally get it. There is a space inside you that was filled by the wanting that suddenly is gone and in a strange way missed. I’m not saying this is a bad thing just that it is an abrupt change. You have to figure out how to stop living in the future and start living in the now. So much of my emotional energy went towards getting our daughter and it went on for so long I think I got used to it. Longing became my constant companion. I am not saying I am sad or anything like that, and certainly I would not want to go back to a time without Nina. It is just an observation. I have moved from one stage to another, adopting to adopted.

Of course, if I’m feeling like I have a lot of changes to deal with can you imagine what Nina must be going thru? We keep talking about the little girl we met that first night in the Baby House. Who was she, certainly not the same child we know today? The baby we met was terrified. The trauma she endured over her short 21 months hurt her so deeply we wondered if we could ever get thru. I remember saying she was my little broken bird. For 20 days, Nina cried at the sight of us. Cried and walked, head down, eyes averted, ever compliantly to us. She was vacant, emotionally withdrawn and she did what she was told. She was scared, so very scared. And for 20 days, we wondered if we could mend our little bird. We worried if in 90 minutes a day we could reach the heart of the beautiful baby we were already completely in love with. Only the last couple of days during that first trip did we have even a glimmer of hope. We clung to it, imagined an entire lifetime of love around it.

A month after Gotcha day, we are just amazed at the change we have seen in Nina. The girl who never spoke in the orphanage and was labeled as “speech delayed” already has 25 English words including two word sentences. She knows the sounds that the; cow, pig, bird, owl, dog, cat and horse make. Over the past couple of days, she is even counting to five. I would describe Nina as happy, giggly even. She loves her Mommy and Daddy, her brothers and her puppy. I don’t even recognize her as the same child we first met, and I can’t help but think if there is this much progress in a month surely she can accomplish anything.

It scares me to imagine her being in the orphanage, unadopted, lost in the “groupa”. I didn’t request a toddler, I wanted a baby like so many others. I should not have even met Nina. My agency called me on the “off chance” that I might consider an “older child”. I said yes. Thank God, thank God! I am told that many of the children in Nina’s group, the “older children” are never adopted: too old, undesirable, risky. Nina is proof these children are so much more resilient than we can imagine.

I know I am rambling. I guess sometimes it is hard to believe how all these twists, turns, and giant leaps of faith worked out so perfectly. I think about our journey. I imagine all the things that could have gone wrong but didn’t. I look at this beautiful child. I know God is good. That place that was once filled by waiting is now overflowing with love and I wouldn’t change a thing.

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