6 Reasons NOT to Adopt a 6th child

1. your house is too small
2. you will never be able to retire and just relax
3. you’re too old
4. 6 kids is too many, they wont get the time and attention they need
5. it’s expensive and your kitchen needs to be remodeled
6. you can’t save them all

When we first announced we were going to adopt a child most reactions were pretty positive.   I think it was easy for people to understand the motive of a family with three boys wanting to add a daughter to the mix.

The reaction to a second adoption was less enthusiastic but at worst I would categorize it as neutral.  Perhaps people were able to rationalize my family by concluding our first daughter needed a playmate her age.  Who knows?  

But wow when we mention a possible third adoption, a 6th child,  the negativity is unleashed. 

Maybe it was there all the time.

Most are polite in their condemnation.  Their thinly veiled criticism coming in a form of a question masked by a tone of “concern”. It is not hard to hear their real message,  “You have too many kids and need to stop all this adoption nonsense!”.

*****

YOUR HOUSE IS TOO SMALL
This one usually comes to me as “where is the next one going to sleep?”  or “wow you already have such a full house”. 

Now we don’t live on the Never-land Ranch but our house is far from small.  At almost 5,000 square feet I actually think it’s on the larger side.  Certainly it’s way bigger than the house I grew up in. 

And while it’s true we “only” have five bedrooms, I find it slightly ridiculous that the thought of a kid sharing a bedroom with a sibling is pushing some sort of upscale suburban occupancy limit.

But from the comments I get from some people you might think the fire marshal is ready to shut us down. Of course since the fire marshal actually has to inspect and approve us to adopt, those of you concerned about the space in our house can rest easy.  We all fit.


YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO RETIRE AND RELAX
Who says I want to? Believe it or not, kids or no kids, I do not EVER plan to retire.  Work a little less, travel a little more sure maybe that. But retire to a 55 plus community where I play golf and trade gall bladder stories everyday? NEVER.

Besides I have to say I am truly enjoying my children. They are not a trial to be endured with a reward on their 18th birthday.  Sure child care involves work but it is work that pays incredible dividends-right now and later too.

One thing I think we have gotten right is we have balance today.  We do not feel like we give up too much to have our children.  We have time as a couple, travel with and without children, enjoy individual pursuits. We have all the good stuff right now...no need to wait until we are 65!

YOU’RE TOO OLD
Some days I agree with this but not usually.  When I look around I see plenty of younger moms with a whole lot less energy than me.  Plus I know the kind of mother I am today at almost 45 is way, way, waaaaaaaaaaay better than the mother I was at 25 or 35 for that matter.

And while I agree it would be better to be younger so my children can enjoy the most time possible with us (and perhaps to that point a younger mom would have been better), the hard truth is I didn’t exactly have to beat away a pack of 30 somethings to adopt a child.

So maybe they have point but maybe better old decrepit me than nobody?

6 KIDS IS TOO MANY, THEY WON’T GET TIME AND ATTENTION THEY NEED
Exactly what is the limit then? And if the logic is fewer children means more time and attention for each child and THAT equals better parenting than what?  Anyone who has more than ONE kid is less than best?

Any kid joining this family will get ample time attention and love from 2 parents AND 5 sibs!

IT’S EXPENSIVE AND YOUR KITCHEN NEEDS A REMODEL
Agreed. 

Lot’s of people we know have bigger and nicer homes.  Their kitchens gleam with granite and marble and commercial grade stainless steel appliances. 

My kitchen simply feeds a family of seven...who gather together at a large dinner table every night. Which really is what a kitchen is supposed to do. Yes it is in need of a makeover but a Sub Zero fridge instead on Nina or Viking range in trade for Macy.??? Ummm no thanks.

YOU CAN’T SAVE THEM ALL
First and foremost I adopt because I want to parent another child.

Secondly, any saving that goes on is both mutual and secondary. 

And lastly I agree I can’t “save them all” but which one of my daughters would you suggest I should have left behind?



Oh and for the record WE COULD save them all.