Paper Pregnancy...we're not all glowing

 September 21, 2011

Many of you seemed stunned that there was any controversy surrounding the term "paper pregnancy". If you stick to mostly adoptive parent blog fare you won't find much thought given to it BUT venture out to adoptee and first family land and you'll eventually stumble into some ugliness. 

Here's what SOME (excerpts from multiple sources) on the world wide web think about “Paper Pregnant” (seriously, I don't can't make this stuff up);

“It's stupid adoption language. The truth is: They are PARENTS (not pregnant)..."on paper". It's not that they are not one of the "real" parents or valuable or loving...but it is a legal transaction. I am an adoptive parent and I think the term is puke-worthy (that's why I keep a puke bucket near my computer). Hence...the need to fix the problems with the other piece of paper that matters. The original birth certificate. For whatever reason...adoptive parents are not having children through their own pregnancy. THERE IS NO PREGNANT part to their journey. Gee...give the first moms a crumb is what I say! It's sick that some people want to usurp that one beautiful thing from the women who make the sacrifices for them. So I guess...paper pregnant must mean the adoptive parents gestated in their heart because that's where the child was born from right?”

“I think if someone is calling themselves paper pregnant that they need a therapist to deal with unresolved infertility issues. It seems to me that they have not dealt with the fact that they can't for whatever reason be pregnant. Pregnant is pregnant. It means carrying a baby in your uterus, not waiting for something.”

“It's just baby talk, I couldn't be bothered to notice or be offended by that. silly fanciful imaginations. Bless their hearts, they'll have to punch out of a giant paper bag to get at their new babies. I think they've gotten a toxic dose of the cutie buttons, from too many sweet blogs, too much time on their hands, waiting to become mommies. I wonder if they fix their episiotomies with scotch tape?”

“Barf. Anything to make it all feel "real". Just another way of trying to experience something they will never actually experience. Whatever.”

“Adoption is not the new pregnant. For there to be an adoption someone has to be pregnant you insensitive shit! Babies don’t just magically appear in social workers arms. There aren’t little girls dreaming of growing up to have their kids adopted by assholes wearing these shirts. There is a very real woman involved. A woman that has carried a child and kept that child safe. A woman who risked her life bring that child into this world. A woman who’s heart is going to break if she loses her child to adoption. A woman who’s life will be forever changed and will feel the pain of separation until she dies. But who gives a fuck about her right? Adoption is the new pregnant! And while I am offending people I have to say …… YOU ARE NOT PAPER PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sorry if you can not have a child. I truly am but pretending will not change it. Adoption and pregnancy are not the same. Not amount of dumbass phrases will make them the same. Adoption and birth are very different. People need to stop pretending they aren’t. Signing a paper to adopt makes you no more pregnant than my big toe. I’m sorry but that is reality. No woman has ever died from complications during paper signing. Downplaying the vital and dangerous realities of pregnancy are demeaning to all mothers. Adoptive mothers might be researching and learning things but it is very very different. Why not just embrace those differences instead of pretending its the same?”

“This smacks of the 'entitled' adoptive parent, one who believes it's perfectly ok to buy someone else's baby if nature doesn't play nicely. The bio mother is seen as little more than an incubator and, once the paperwork's signed, an inconvenient piece of history.”

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