And now right before your very eyes I will magically transform our Cedar Point brush with hell Americana into a warm and cherished family memory...in a few years this is just how we will remember it (so long as I delete yesterday's post).
We've lost count of how many times we've been here but its enough that today we had a whole lot of indignant attitude.
Got to love all the signs demanding "no pictures" and "turn off your cell phones". Why?
So you can't see this...
(Thanks Julie M for sending this too me. I needed the laugh.)
OK your turn, what was the dumbest thing someone has said to you about adoption? How did you respond?
Is it better to ignore, retort in a coy or snarky fashion, civilly but directly confront the inappropriateness of the comment or just tell them to piss off and walk away?
USCIS were your ears burning?
Did you hear me say what an outrage it is that it takes months to process my immigration paperwork?
Is that why I got my fingerprint notice yesterday?
I don't mean to complain, I'm glad to finally have an appointment to be fingerprinted
for the 7th time in three years
but I'm curious...
Why can't you coordinate with the State of Ohio or the FBI and share the fingerprint results that we got 2 months ago in order to complete the home study we just sent you?
OR (if that is utterly ridiculous)
Why not use the same prints you have on file and run them again to see if in the months since our last adoption we have turned to a life of crime?
I know I'm just a little mom here in Podunk Ohio who doesn't understand how things work. I'm sure all this is way over my pay grade. And yet...I do have five soon to be six children and I am the CEO of a 50 million dollar company, and I do own my own consulting firm, write a "top mommy blog", and work with multiple charities....the point being I'm somewhat familiar with the concept of efficiency.
I know it's probably not real big in government circles but you might want to look it up..."eeeee-fficiency". And while your there; redundancy, bureaucracy, apathy, competency....
We are going on the 29th. God help me if the biometrics dude reads this blog.
Honestly I should be ashamed to admit
how happy I am
to see them
GO!
Slight change of pace...
I am going to India in May. It is a business trip to investigate the potential of outsourcing part of our business.
(In case you don't already know when I'm not blogging or shopping on Etsy or playing Candy Land or cheering at youth hockey games, I'm the Chief Executive Officer of a midsized health care company.)
I've always had a slight discomfort with outsourcing when so many American's are out of work. Of course I am also very much aware of the realities of the global economy. How to balance the two? It is a dilemma.
I got a telemarketing call yesterday that did not help
It was not from India
It was from (I'm just guessing) somewhere near where those Jersey Shore kids live.
Ironically his "New Yawka" accent was so thick at first I had no idea what he was talking about
My husband filled out an entry card.
(yup that sounds like him)
We won a trip.
(sure we did)
We need to come pick up our "prize" in person.
(yeah whatever)
Then perhaps sensing my skepticism, the telephone mark-a-teer added
(and I'm going to go out onto a limb and say this was not in his approved script)
"I don't need no money now cause this ain't like no timeshare scheme or nothing."
(try not to laugh...too late....snort)
Are you kidding?
In a way I was impressed at his efficiency. I didn't think one could obliterate so many rules of grammar in a single sentence!
I mean it had;
the "ain't,
the superfluous "like"
the double double negative.
But that wasn't even the best part
He went on to tell me we could choose a trip to either Orlando or Vegas
He informed me that Orlando was, "more of a family trip" and we could take the kids
Vegas he continued was more of an adult vacation and probably best for just me and my husband.
But he quickly clarified that since my husband was the actual winner he could choose anybody he wanted to go with him to Vegas.
Forgive me but this is where I hung up the phone.
And all I could think was...
1. THIS is why we outsource call center jobs to India.
2. Who the hell else is my husband taking to Vegas?
Hey you gotta like click the brown bar or I ain't never gonna get to #1.
One might think from reading some of my recent posts, advocating for orphans, showcasing the faces of special need adoption and traveling to orphanages around the world, that I am some sort of selfless humanitarian.
Giving without regard to my own wants and needs (cough).
Ummmm no.
Right after I posted yesterday, I got into my car and drove to the plastic surgeon's office for a facial peel and some botox.
Clearly the only thing "deep" about me is the conflict within.
That and this one line in my forehead. (humpf)
Sometimes I think I need to chuck it all
the worldly trappings
consumerism
vanity
my Louboutins
These things don't exactly line up with the other things I am passionate about.
But I am weak. I want my STUFF and my ideals too.
So I ask you is it possible
To save the world (or my little piece of it)
and wear the perfect shade of lipstick too??
Read more...
Read more...
I heard a comedian once joke that the minivan was a way to say to the rest of the world, (I'll clean this up)..."I never plan to get lucky again".
I love my mini van. There I said it. And I mean it, my mini van rocks!
Now I know a lot of you wouldn't be caught dead in one and truthfully I too was once a MV hater but with five kids I've got to say nothing beats it for convenience, comfort and all around practicality.
Of course I've been through my "I'm too cool to minivan" phase to be sure. In the past 10 years I've driven a BMW 3 series convertible (with a spoiler thank you very much) and a BMW SUV (my nod to my complaining kids who were being blown away in the back of the convertible) and then back to a BMW M Roadster (vroom, vroom drive THAT to the PTA meeting).
But when we started down the adoption path and faced the reality of transporting a family of seven with two kids still in car seats, I finally had to succumb to the "dreaded" minivan.
(BTW I considered doing what a lot of my similarly situated friends did to avoid the ridicule of the MV: I almost bought an SUV. But who are we kidding? You and I both know those are just people who need a MV but are "too cool" (read as too insecure) to buy one. Yeah, yeah, driving in the snow...whatever... be honest, the only off roading you do is when you drive over the curb trying to park at the mall. Guess some of us just have a little more self esteem. I digress.)
So just when I had completely resigned myself to the leagues of minivan driving supermoms and accepted my fate of being a chronically unhip soccer mom, Toyota goes and makes MV's ( and me) cool again. (OK if you are sneering at my Sienna being cool you and your turbo engine can leave.)
Yes my minivan is no longer a shameless concession to a life filled with cheerios and diaper bags. It is (drum roll please) my SWAGGER WAGON, complete with it's own rap. Dig it.
I am PROUD to drive my Swagger Wagon to the kid's schools, to the hockey games and ballet lessons, to the grocery store and to work AND to the hottest night clubs in town (once I figure out where they are).
I do not need a sports car to be cool.
My Swagger Wagon makes a statement...it tells the world I have kids-LOTS of KIDS (see the stick figure family on the back windshield-yeah they're ALL MINE).
It lets everyone (behind me) know I love Kazakhstan and China and Cyclone's Hockey and Brown University and the University of Akron too.
Try to get your Porshe to do all that!
I'm glad Toyota is getting the message out that Swagger Wagons are cool. In fact I was so inspired that today I ordered this final bit of flair for my own sweet ride...
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